Changing the Picture

Trying to find the positive

(This post was started on the 12th of March)

Spring is starting to show itself and everything feels brighter and lighter! There is a wonderful energy in the air. Even the birds and squirrels seem like they are more awake. The fact that it is +4C and beautiful outside doesn’t hurt.

So today I took a walk for the first time in over two weeks. A combination of ice on the ground, infected tooth in my mouth, and …honestly don’t remember what else. I took my usual route but it felt different somehow. When did everything suddenly change and become so amazingly beautiful? It was so wonderful to be outside and moving. Felt like I hadn’t walked in months. I even managed to do some lunges. But don’t tell the kids. They hate that I do stuff like that in public.

Back to the computer

Another thing I am back to is this blog. The idea of writing was still interesting but I just couldn’t think of anything interesting to write about. I have tired of hearing myself talk about Meniere’s and my various other ailments. Sick of being low energy and wondering when and if I might get dizzy and throw up. Still feel frustrated that I have to keep my head a certain way to prevent episodes. Also, as my 24/7 tinnitus shows no signs of letting up, hearing people is a daily challenge.

And yet, even with all of this frustration and uncertainty, I have a wonderful life. Frustration is understandable but it doesn’t get me anywhere. So it is time to “change the picture” as I used to tell the kids. When they would get crazy, emotionally stuck on something that would be our mantra. So I am choosing to focus on the positives.

Sometimes easier said than done

For example, I started this post 3 days ago when it was warmish and sunny. The snow was melting and you could even see the grass in many places. There was a hope that winter was ending. But Mother Nature has a strange sense of humor. This is what it looks like today:

Yesterday there was a real and true “tempête”. Now it is -10C and I have major shoveling to do.

How you may ask, do you turn this into a positive? Are you kidding? Look how pretty it is! It looks like this everywhere now and the sun even makes the snow sparkle. I don’t ski but I am sure the local resort is packed today!

What else ya’ got?

Last night we adjusted our clocks for DST. But we forgot one! Unfortunately, it is integrated into the automatic cat feeder we bought in an attempt, so far failed, to get a bit more sleep in the morning. The cats were so close to getting it!

So when the machine didn’t feed them they sent a representative to scratch at our bedroom door. This makes me crazy! I can ignore it but then the “scratcher” will try another bedroom, thus waking the kids. I didn’t know about the faulty clock so I was not in a great space when I headed down to suss out the issue.

Where is the positive? The “back-patting” answer would be that I felt better because the cats were now happy and fed. However, we have two 20 pounders among our 6 cats. No one is dying over a late breakfast. What turned this into a positive was when I glanced out the window after feeding them. Through the back window, I could see three deer and through the front window, I could see a groundhog, 2 blue jays, and a cardinal. If not for the faulty clock, I would have missed something wonderful.

Oodles of opportunities

If I am being open to it then I realize that there are a lot of situations like these. For example:

Yesterday I was asked to work in the busier area of the spa so that my co-worker could have a much-needed day off. This area of the spa is peaceful but offers a lot of triggers for my condition so I usually opt for the other building. Of course, I was going to do it, but I was a bit nervous. Turns out that this week is Spring Break for Ontario and thus we had tons of English-speaking guests that I was able to chat with and help out. It was awesome! Getting to know the guests is one of my favorite parts of the job. Getting to do so in English makes it even better.

My Take Away

We are humans with complicated brains and bodies and often complicated lives. Sometimes finding the positive isn’t easy or even possible. We have just to look at the state of our world to realize that. And as I try to power through my minuscule, by comparison, issues I am reminded that trying to find the positive is a luxury that not everyone has.

So while the need to momentarily hover over a difficult situation is my right, out of respect for those who are stuck “in the mud” of their own, I will make a bigger effort to find the positive in mine.

It just might mean a little less worrying and a lot more doing.