Depends On Your Perspective

Feeling low

I consider myself a fairly positive person. But, in all honesty, these past couple of years have been tough for me. Though there have been lots of great months, the periods with health issues have often felt overwhelming. The uncertainty is the hardest part…well actually vertigo runs a pretty close second. So many questions! Will this or that ever end? Why is there something new all of the time? Is the tinnitus with me for life?

Mostly I want to know when will I get to feel like me again?

My husband has been nothing but supportive as he watches his wife move clumsily from one issue into another. But I know it puts a lot on him. My family has also been extremely helpful despite the distance. And then there are my kids. I have missed a lot of time with them. Either because I was sick or just not able to be as present mentally or physically. I just feel like all of these issues are taking up too much space and energy in my life but I can’t figure out how to stop what feels like an endless stream of them.

Yet, I am still privileged while I am in this mess

I have to acknowledge that, despite my issues, I am in a good place to deal with them. In addition to the fact that none of my issues are life-threatening, I have access to and can afford to visit non-traditional specialists that the health system won’t cover. My family even sent me some money once because they knew I couldn’t work and they wanted to make sure I could see who I needed to. And while a naturopath or osteopath might not always be able to completely solve any given issue, at least I can go.

And if it requires something more then I am part of a healthcare system that permits that. The Canadian system may be slow at times but it is usually comprehensive. There are few out-of-pocket charges. For example, I had a mammogram on Monday and all I had to do was show up with my health card. The “health system” contacted me by mail, told me where to call to book the appointment, and covered the cost of the test! Granted it is about spending now on prevention and less later on treatments. Sounds smart to me.

I know I am not the only one

And yet, despite easy access to care, I often feel like I am crawling rather than walking through all of this mud. And it is all well and good to tell myself, “Oh it could be so much worse” or “So many other people are suffering more”. While very true and effective reality checks, they make me feel guilty for how I am handling my situation. Because I am surrounded by people who are handling so much more than me and seem to do so with more grace. I work with and know, lots of individuals who are living with anxiety, special needs children, divorce, health issues, past traumas, and, in some cases, multiple issues. They just seem like they are handling their stuff much better than I am. No whining. Just head down and focused.

Or are they?

And that is the nub of the matter. It is all about where you are looking from. I don’t know how any other person handles their stuff. Comparisons are not only useless, but they are also defeating. Also, it is not a competition. If a member of my family, a friend, or one of my co-workers seems off then I will ask if there is anything I can do. I won’t gloat because they seem worse off than me.

It depends on your perspective. I suppose that there is even someone who thinks that I am handling all of my “stuff” gracefully. I just feel so whiney inside that I find it hard to imagine.

You have your shoes and I have mine

So if we all have our own “stuff” and we all have our perspective then it is unlikely that we will ever truly understand exactly how someone is doing; unless we ask. All we can do is be there for each other as best as we can. Whether that means asking, “Anything I can do for you?” or “How are things?”. Maybe it is a hug or a shoulder to lean or cry on. It could just be a smile for someone who wants nothing more. No judgments! No criticisms!

Just the realization that if we are having trouble walking in our shoes then maybe someone else might be feeling the same.