Patience and Meniere’s Syndrome

Why couldn’t it be an ear infection instead?

Recently I received another unwelcome visit from Meniere’s. It started about eight weeks ago.

All I keep thinking is “didn’t I just do this last year?”

What sucks is that I am still trying to get a handle on how this condition affects me and how to function regardless! I was hoping to have a break for a couple of years while I figure it all out.

So what have I learned since the last time?

I have learned that an “episode” is impending when my ears(mostly my right) start to feel “full”. Then the tinnitus starts. For me, this sound is like having a loud, buzzing waterfall in my ear 24/7. I had an auditory test in July that revealed that I have moderate hearing loss in my right ear due to auditory cells being “dead”. Thanks again Meniere’s! The ENT explained that Tinnitus is not the problem but, in fact, a sort of “false” signal that there is an auditory problem. Unfortunately, it is a signal that has no off button. Also, I would seriously beg to differ regarding how much of a problem Tinnitus is.

Currently, it is the lower range sounds that I am having difficulty with. That means, for example, when I must talk on the phone, I can only use my left ear. Otherwise, everyone sounds like they are talking to me from 30 yards away using a can attached to a string. Recently everyone wearing a mask sounds like they are using the “can and string”. It can make for some awkward misunderstandings if the environment is at all loud.

There is also, what I like to call, “Balloon Head”. Until recently, my head felt like a large ball filled with water. My daily task consisted of balancing it in such a way as to keep the water from sloshing from side to side. No sudden shifts of the head and no looking way down or way up.

Visuals are also iffy. Anything that moves too fast, shifts back and forth, bounces or spins can trigger “something” and make me a bit dizzy. Driving is safe but screens and kids’ movements are tougher. Marvel movies are a definite no as are tennis matches and watching someone on a trampoline. I have gotten very good at anticipating people’s movements and knowing when to look away.

However, I think the most important thing that I am learning is that this problem is related to stress. Possibly even caused by. My Tinnitus, puking, and vertigo are real and they get worse when I am anxious or stressed. That is the biggest point I am working on now. Accepting that I have anxiety and learning how to manage it.

Not all doom and gloom!

There are, however, two bright lights…

This time there has not been any vomiting or intense vertigo …so there is that.

And, in the scheme of things, there are many far worse things to have.

Enough whining and moaning!

The only thing more draining than Meniere’s is listening to myself go on and on about my condition. I just want it all to be settled already! To have answers and solutions and go-arounds for when the solutions don’t work. Also wouldn’t mind being able to “hear” the silence. What I really need is patience. But this is not one of my strengths.

The duck is helping me.

There is a small pond about 10 minutes away that I have driven past every week or so for the past twelve years. About eleven springs ago I noticed a lone, large white duck swimming around. The strangest thing was that there weren’t any other ducks(or other waterfowl) in the pond. I couldn’t tell if it was a loner by choice or circumstances. There are a lot of ponds and lakes in Quebec. Maybe all of the others were somewhere else. Throughout summer and early fall, when it left, it was alone. I had read that ducks were not solitary creatures by nature so I felt sad for it. Not sure why, but I assumed it was a male duck, so I took to calling him Herman.

Herman was back again the following spring and the story repeated itself. Each year I would look forward to seeing him and hoped that he would have some company. It took five years! One day I drove by and there he was, swimming around with at least 7 other ducks. I was so excited for him! For the next couple of years, that story repeated itself.

Last spring Herman wasn’t there anymore…or any other ducks for that matter. But he left a lasting impression. He was patient and eventually, others showed up. If Herman can wait five years for friends I can certainly be patient while I figure out this new condition of mine.

Here is hoping that it doesn’t take five years!